to live in this world, you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal:
to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; 
and, when the time comes to let it go, 
to let it go. 
{ mary oliver }

and then spend foreva eva with them. really, that better pan out. my people.

last night:
-charly is practicing/filming herself for a youtube video she has been asked to be in with a well known youtuber.  she is doing this in the main room in the house.
-the boys are wanting their dinner and making noise
-"i am filming. be quiet, or leave." she sets her iphone up on a skinny ledge. it balances precariously. i say nothing.
-"want me to hold the phone and film you," Deven offers.  "no."
-deacon keeps photobombing her filming because he has picked up the end of the dance (and he is so cute)
-fail on getting the video, she has to go to hip hop.
-later, she tried again. "dev, will you film me." he is on the couch doing homework and watching star wars.  "no."
-she puts the iphone in the same spot she did in her earlier 10 attempts. phone falls and cracks.
-andrew gets mad at dev for not helping and sends him to his room. dev argues, slams door. drama.
-i emerge from feeding everett to ask drew what was up. he does not like my tone. begins a launch into possible large discussion on our communication.  ended that quick, hug, love.
-talk to char about her phone and why dev and her are bickering. she explains things are just not "flowing"; her laptop being stolen (that was 6 months ago), phone breaking, school being so repetitive,  homework, waking up early, messy room, the boys asking random questions, dad getting upset with her when i am not around, etc. ends with "just love me" (oh, i do little/big girl, i just do)
-talk to dev about not arguing with dad. love. help him with his english comma extra credit to get C to a B
-everett is breathing short and acting not like his usual 2 week self.  as if he has a self yet.
-make char sleepytime tea to relax her and watch modern family
-boys finish star wars
-i ask andrew to take turns through the night to stay up with everett.  long night watching his labored breathing.
-morning, get ready to take baby everett to doctor. and deacon is sick. again.

sometimes our family, despite our best efforts (is it really our best?), falls into a quagmire of not connecting with one another.  we love each other deeply.  this is why we are taught how important forgiveness is. even when no one apologizes, we forgive. we love deeper despite no return.  that is the return, an ability to love deeper.  even when we are hurt/angry/alone/indigent/maligned/ parallel lines, we may never meet on top of each other, but we run along side each other. forever.  that is not so sad.
drew attempted to fix the iphone. it took awhile. above is the result. love.


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