Monday, May 27, 2013

mother's day

after spending the day at church and working long in the yard to re-do the patio for mother's day, we went to red mango. to char's chagrin the patio design is clean, square, modern, white. "you used to not like everything so black and white mom"... now i do. then we planted more flowers. then talked. we ended up talking about time travel and ended up on dogs.  dev does not like dogs and he makes no issue saying so, but he also does not like food but watches cooking shows.  so when he started telling me about an episode of futurama he had watched where a dog had waited for his owner, i was anticipating him to say how lame shows about dogs are.  however, he explained that the owner was a pizza delivery guy and told the dog to wait for him on the curb til he returned, but ended up time traveling to the future.  so the dog waited on the curb until he eventually died.  as dev told me this his voice choked and his eyes welled with tears.  he hid the emotion from charly but i saw it.  he knows i saw it.  "was it sad dev?" "yea." rub his eyes quickly and moves on in the conversation to pick up lines, "hey mom, do you believe in love at first sight or do i need to walk by again?" then i hit him with my "tulips" line..."hey dev, do you know my favorite flower?" "no, what?" "tulips, cuz i want your two lips on my cheek." nervous laugh. but he liked it.

i have hiked many slot canyons, saw notre dame gargoyles pouring rain water, surfed the waves of costa rica, climbed the dolomites, saw the buddist temples of taiwan, camped in canada, white water rafted the pacure and snake rivers, danced on the steps of the duomo in milan, backpacked the french riviera...i suppose there is more but i don't recall it all.  however, the greatest journey taken is in the galaxies of my children's eyes.  they are vast. no other joy is greater then the exhilaration of this trip.

in light of mother's day here are ten things little vana has taught me:
-after preparing food there does not need to be expectations of consumption...let people eat when and how they want. leave it on the stove after dinner is done too.
-you are only as happy as your saddest child
-inner peace is possible
-gardening and growing food is fulfilling
-old t-shirts can be worn everyday if you have manicured nails
-butter on the outside of potatoes, or butter on anything, is delicious
-making new friends at any age is important
-accentuate your best features (her tiny waist and curvy chest looked great in St. Johns dresses)
-more is not always more (in make up, success, life)
-Heavenly Father is real and He is to be trusted

Sunday, May 5, 2013


Unseasonable Dress
At the edges of re-dressing
each succession in taffeta
hand-sewing slows the pace
for pleasure of investigation
I can get near     by.

Much summing up done,
what keeps going is conversation.
What makes me care is why
I am interested enough to inhabit
where an accountant is tiptoeing through \\\ grass.
Laugh of obfuscation
quotes from arguments
had with other men;
scabby mountains are descended.

I dance through Dutch country
part tulips with my toes
leasing long this rented charisma
limberness, utter movement.

I laugh only for my friends
an offering of tears.
I stopped wearing mascara
as a pre adolescent.
So don’t say something for me.

Leaping forward, adding pathos
to an over soppy situation:
We went to custody over lost years --
not certain what really can be saved.

I do not feel sorry
for the woman alone. 
I wouldn’t kill her off
in an unexpected way
because we are tired of the story;
we think we know occasions
by talking about them -- 
Put on this unseasonable dress
of hope.


we spent the day early in may going to the children's discovery museum, serendipity, then town square. you may think with boys you get chaos, bodily sounds, and oblivious disrespect.  however, these boys are amazingly respectful, full of love, mannerly and pure joy.  the draw to electronics is a small issue compared to their fabulous selves.  these boys keep connected to me and i love it. they keep me hopeful.