toxic

crazy. scary. out of control. we live in a toxic world, it is inevitable. the past couple weeks over christmas vacay we have been sick. flu, cold, cough, bronchitis. passed from kids to adults, back to kids. at one point i thought it was whooping cough, because i can be alarmist.  of which i have not vaccinated my youngest against for fear of vaccines and awareness of my ignorance despite my research.
it stresses me out that my oldest son eats ramen, which is made to survive the apocalypse, another drinks diet mountain dew, the girls curl relaxer, microwave popcorn, toxic, toxic. short of me being crazy police lady almost all the time this stuff happens.
i give it my effort to eat clean, clean organic, detox regularly, exercise, have our barefeet in the dirt, ingest coconut oil, rub down with magnesium, body brush dry skin, drink keifer, etc. etc.
then all of this does not seem to matter so much in the face of morality, integrity, honesty; all of which is a reality each day for my kids at school. so like having my 7 year old not use the f-word, my 12 year old not get sent to the dean for "bullying" a kid that has two stud earring in his ears, my 14 year old not to engage in the trending activity of oral sex on the school bleachers which the guy who asked her to homecoming got caught engaging in...that makes me vomit a little in my throat.

it is telling
i love catcher in the rye
"mothers are all slightly insane."
yes. but look
how happy they are
eating metro pizza
in the car