nemo moriturus proesumitur mentiri

a little randomness today, this friday: the day the girl is in state championships, one day before my cousin gets married, two days before deven turns 13, 2 years and ten days since dad died.
there is too much to say that probably does not mean too much either.
(like yesterday i was going to fly to carson city to see charly race. ezra (8 weeks old) and my mom were going to come with me and everett was staying with his dad in vegas...on our way out the door to the airport i had a debilitating anxiety attack. at the ripe age of 38 i have had enough of these suckers to know that i needed not to fight it. i could not leave everett. even though he is no longer "the baby" of the family, he is still a baby.  he is only 17 months old. he has been sick with hand foot and mouth disease. he probably would have been fine with just his dad, but what if??? so his dad quickly packed and i took him and my mom to the airport to fly to see MY FIRST BABY run her races. i picked up deacon and then deven from school and it was quite the night of me and four boys at home. deacon was sad this morning when he realized he was going to be late to school because after an all night party in my bed with the babies i did not care to wake up my first grader to be on time.  he said to me "it is ok mom, i know you are used to not getting up early."
what did you say boy! what?!!! ah, nevermind.
and i am pretty sure deven was looking forward to going to school today as it is far less work then staying home "mom, you should have taken ezra to see charly.  i would have helped dad watch everett if you left."
what did you say boy! what?!!! ah, you are probably right.
today everett is still sick and showing NO signs of appreciation that i stayed home with him. none. some guy paying at the register in front of me in the 7-11 i stopped at this morning to buy milk looked at me and the babies and said to the cashier "i got this lady's milk." i asked his name. thanks mikey but i am not planning on paying it forward today.  maybe next week. or next year.

trying to be positive is as exhausting as being negative.

I give her sadness,
     And the gift of pain,
The new-moon madness,
     And the love of rain

"Godmother" D.Parker

Tupak Shakur's dying words were "F--- you."


Popular Posts