Thursday, November 19, 2015

No one really seems to know what they are doing, but I am jazzed to be doing whatever it is we are doing with these five people.

the announcement of Jean Genet's death in the New York Times (albeit in 1986) ends with "There are no survivors."  you humans are my survivors.  

Monday, November 16, 2015

tale as old as time

Thursday night: "MOM! I have a photo shoot Saturday after track at Floyd Lamb park. I need a Belle dress can you find one tomorrow."
"Babe...I was a ballet dancer in Vegas, of course I know where to get costumes, but why am I renting it if it is for a magazine shoot? Wouldn't they rent it?"
"Mom. Please."
I held out all of Friday and went Saturday morning to Star Costume to get this dress.  Charly never played pretend princess or was even remotely interested in any of that stuff as a girl. So, I figured one time would be fun. There were a lot of families at the park taking pictures as well, and each little girl was mesmerized by this full size Belle. It was adorable! She booked a couple more jobs with people who saw her at the park. We had big plans to go out together that night and do something fun with her in her costume, but we were both exhausted by 5:30, so we grabbed casa don juan food and called it a night.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

an update

my brother came down for deac's soccer game. what good uncle he is. he ended up like this most of the time instead of watching the game, and i did not care even a little bit.
C and I met some high school and junior high friends for a punk band reunion. The singer of Reform was my good friend in 6th grade. He could not keep a straight face as he was screaming a song he wrote when he was 14 "ARMAGEDDON! ARMAGEDDON!"  It was hilarious to see 40 year olds attempting to slam dance. 
Then back to school on Monday, but Char had missed a couple days the previous week because she was filming a "legit" video for this song. She was gone two days from 5 am to 10 pm. That girl is so diverse.  The text messages from her Monday morning were amusing. I did not pick her up from school and she survived.
Veterans Day we spent lounging at home. After Charly did a long search in her car for my Tiffany onyx jewels she took without asking to the video shoot on the dry lake bed, we settled in to watch Top Gun as a fam. (I had found the jewels earlier in the morning shoved in her backseat basically inside an old Del Taco taco, but I had to do a little J Walter Weatherman on her.)
Deacon finally lost one top tooth. He is 9 and has these little baby teeth that won't fall out.  Taking care of five sets of human teeth is a part time job. 

Monday, November 9, 2015

leave if you can't accept the basics

i was raised by an lds mother. my father got baptized to satiate my mom, he was smoking the whole time he was at byu and his life from beginning to end was the antithesis of lds doctrine. i picked to be part of it. over and over again. in and out and in and out. it did not feel good in it, it did not feel good out of it. my attempts to live discipleship has informed many of my life decisions; many of my mistakes.

i was out of it when i was pregnant with charly. when she was born i made the decision to stay associated with the church because i did not think i could regret doing so (despite my deep issues with it). my teenagers are part in and part out...always on the outside of whatever group there is to be had in and out. i too am always on the outside and always finding something wrong, but i have accepted that as a condition of being. however, the not-suprising upset this week leaves me with a very humble quiet profound sadness. i do not accept it. my older kids will have to rectify the dichotomies of  their childhood and come to terms with the fact that i am many things and many people and will redefine myself many more times during my life. what remains constant in me is my devotion to love. i love them madly. i love others. it is time it moves on without me.

still my song.

and obviously i got some mother earth and her babies photos, so forgive the next few months when that is all i post, because they are perfectly imperfect.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Halloweezy 2015

Ev refused to get dressed. This was as far as I got. So he obvi went as a Chippendale guy. Class all the way.
 After this year the ladybug costume will officially be retired after a run of 15 years.
 Nicest Ninja eva.
This ninja went to a party that had condors and pythons, then trick or treating for hours.
 Dev left on his bike sans costume. He got into Gladys Knight's party and scored.
 Char and her girls were culturally inappropriate Indians who went to some Gorman party.
After the babies peetered out in 15 minutes we went home to hand out candy. This was a problem because everytime I opened the door the babies made a mad rush outside into throngs of kids. Eventually I put the candy bowl outside the door with a note "take a few" and, well, we all know how that went.
Ev waiting for kids to come. Yes, we had apple chips to hand out.
He really wanted to escape to see the laser light show we had going on in the front porch.