Saturday, November 30, 2013

another lou

you made me forget myself. i thought i was someone else. someone good.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

sunday morning vibe

lou doillon. fab. bangs for days. maybe maybe.

about the radest

"unbelievable machinery"
"magnificent origami"
"magic of the mechanisms"
"beyond human comprehension"
"where does this intelligence of knowing that a fold can actually hold more information...turn into memory"
"the marvel that is us"
"the magic that is existence that is us"

the smartest people i come across are those that know that they don't know.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

peanut butter time

i love this stuff.  it is not around much since a couple kids (maybe a few) are allegedly allergic to nuts.  the girl blames her allergy on me; like because i ate it so much when she was in utero she developed an allergy.  it is a theory.  but i made these cookies tonight. update: the girl smelled them cooking and thought they were brownies. "so they ALL have nuts?" she asked, ignorant of how peanut butter cookies are made.  "yes, they are made with peanut butter." "you made no other cookies, just these? do you not love me?" i adore these reactions, i adore her.
1 1/2  cups peanut butter (smooth or chunky)
3/4 cups sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
dash of salt
1 1/2 cup flour
roll the cookies into balls then fork mark it up.
greased cookie sheet.
bake at 375 for 8 minutes.

another cookie me and the two older boys made for the girl and her 8 friends that came over unannounced:
chocolate chip cookies
1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup shortening (gross but not optional)
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
1 1/2 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 scant teaspoon salt
chocolate chips (however much ya like)
flaky sea salt (optional)

preheat oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit
cream together butter, shortening, sugars, vanilla and egg until fluffy (this the 12 year old did)
add sifted dry ingredients (minus sea salt) and mix till combined (this the 7 year old did)
fold in chocolate chips and drop by spoon onto greased cookie sheet (12 and 7 year old did in their own bowls)
sprinkle with sea salt before baking (optional)
bake at 350 for 6-10 minutes
(i pull mine out early cuz i like them underdone)

Saturday, November 2, 2013


so my baby turned 7. we were not going to have a friend party this year. i am pretty sure the first ten years of motherhood elaborate party planning for each birthday burned this gal out.
one year, when my first son was turning 5 i dried out chicken bones to bury in the park playground so the 5 year olds could do an authentic dinosaur dig and find real bones...that was also the year i almost took that 5 year old home from his own party due to the moody he was throwing.  so it was gathering for his 7th birthday.  as it drew closer i knew my social of social kids would have to have friends to celebrate. "please year i will do just a family party." so last minute planning produced a super fun party of all boys and one girl. it was not elaborate and he loved it.
as i lay with him in bed discussing all the great things about the day and the whole week i think back to the first night i had with him.  he was an 8 pound baby but had trouble breathing so they had him in the nicu the whole night.  i stayed with him whispering how loved he was. the heat lamps made him so pink and he looked like a beast compared to many of the preemie babies that were in there with him. i recall so vividly the strength of the love i felt for him; it was unbelievable. i stroked his soft skin and blond hair all night, trying to memorize every centimeter of his new body: his curved spine, heart shaped top lip, big belly. while i watched him sleep the other night with his long, lean, boy body it feels like i am being split asunder.  i am not sure what that means in the scriptures, but if i could place a feeling on it, it is this:  having my children grow up and out of the selves i loved so madly. of course it is tempered by the continuing love of their new selves...but come on, this 2 year old kid was the penultimate.
his 7 year old self is too. geez, it is such a gift to be his mom. he is the (one of the 4) coolest thing i have done. for sure.