Thursday, November 19, 2015

No one really seems to know what they are doing, but I am jazzed to be doing whatever it is we are doing with these five people.

Monday, November 16, 2015

tale as old as time

Thursday night: "MOM! I have a photo shoot Saturday after track at Floyd Lamb park. I need a Belle dress can you find one tomorrow."
"Babe...I was a ballet dancer in Vegas, of course I know where to get costumes, but why am I renting it if it is for a magazine shoot? Wouldn't they rent it?"
"Mom. Please."
I held out all of Friday and went Saturday morning to Star Costume to get this dress.  Charly never played pretend princess or was even remotely interested in any of that stuff as a girl. So, I figured one time would be fun. There were a lot of families at the park taking pictures as well, and each little girl was mesmerized by this full size Belle. It was adorable! She booked a couple more jobs with people who saw her at the park. We had big plans to go out together that night and do something fun with her in her costume, but we were both exhausted by 5:30, so we grabbed casa don juan food and called it a night.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

an update

my brother came down for deac's soccer game. what good uncle he is. he ended up like this most of the time instead of watching the game, and i did not care even a little bit.
C and I met some high school and junior high friends for a punk band reunion. The singer of Reform was my good friend in 6th grade. He could not keep a straight face as he was screaming a song he wrote when he was 14 "ARMAGEDDON! ARMAGEDDON!"  It was hilarious to see 40 year olds attempting to slam dance. 
Then back to school on Monday, but Char had missed a couple days the previous week because she was filming a "legit" video for this song. She was gone two days from 5 am to 10 pm. That girl is so diverse.  The text messages from her Monday morning were amusing. I did not pick her up from school and she survived.
Veterans Day we spent lounging at home. After Charly did a long search in her car for my Tiffany onyx jewels she took without asking to the video shoot on the dry lake bed, we settled in to watch Top Gun as a fam. (I had found the jewels earlier in the morning shoved in her backseat basically inside an old Del Taco taco, but I had to do a little J Walter Weatherman on her.)
Deacon finally lost one top tooth. He is 9 and has these little baby teeth that won't fall out.  Taking care of five sets of human teeth is a part time job. 

Monday, November 9, 2015

leave if you can't accept the basics

i was raised by an lds mother. my father got baptized to satiate my mom, he was smoking the whole time he was at byu and his life from beginning to end was the antithesis of lds doctrine. i picked to be part of it. over and over again. in and out and in and out. it did not feel good in it, it did not feel good out of it. my attempts to live discipleship has informed many of my life decisions; many of my mistakes.

i was out of it when i was pregnant with charly. when she was born i made the decision to stay associated with the church because i did not think i could regret doing so (despite my deep issues with it). my teenagers are part in and part out...always on the outside of whatever group there is to be had in and out. i too am always on the outside and always finding something wrong, but i have accepted that as a condition of being. however, the not-suprising upset this week leaves me with a very humble quiet profound sadness. i do not accept it. my older kids will have to rectify the dichotomies of  their childhood and come to terms with the fact that i am many things and many people and will redefine myself many more times during my life. what remains constant in me is my devotion to love. i love them madly. i love others. it is time it moves on without me.

still my song.

and obviously momma got some "mother earth and her babies" photos, so forgive the next few months when that is all i post, because they are perfectly imperfect.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Halloweezy 2015

Ev refused to get dressed. This was as far as I got. So he obvi went as a Chippendale guy. Class all the way.
 After this year the ladybug costume will officially be retired after a run of 15 years.
 Nicest Ninja eva.
This ninja went to a party that had condors and pythons, then trick or treating for hours.
 Dev left on his bike sans costume. He got into Gladys Knight's party and scored.
 Char and her girls were culturally inappropriate Indians who went to some Gorman party.
After the babies peetered out in 15 minutes we went home to hand out candy. This was a problem because everytime I opened the door the babies made a mad rush outside into throngs of kids. Eventually I put the candy bowl outside the door with a note "take a few" and, well, we all know how that went.
Ev waiting for kids to come. Yes, we had apple chips to hand out.
He really wanted to escape to see the laser light show we had going on in the front porch.

Thursday, October 29, 2015


these boys are so adorable and full of energy. often time my runner (ezra) will quickly take off from me, and everett will go the opposite direction. i have to quickly gauge which one is in more imminent danger to determine which crazy human i will run after first. however, this is simply not a risk i am willing to take anymore. i can't let them be free birds until they become a bit more rationale. after the park the other day when i was cautiously guarding the large openings they have in the jungle gym near the top of the slide, ezra slid down quickly and bolted for the street while everett was climbing the stairs to the top of the slide. obvi i slide down and run for ezra in time to turn and see everett precariously dangling near said hole high above the ground. i made it to him in time, but gheeze la wheeze. i promptly went home and ordered some harnesses.
ev was fine. he was staying with me most the time during our test walk. when i did have to grab the tether he thought it was fun to see how fast he could make me run behind him. i am a clown and here to amuse him.
ezra did not approve. he is fine walking with the harness on but only if the tether is tucked into the panda. the second he looks back to see me holding the tether he rages. this opinion is pretty ignorant if you ask me, but he did not ask me.
rather, he threw himself down and started throwing rocks when he saw me holding the tether
but they are tolerant when i don't hold them back. 

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

this weekend was...

another homecoming for charly. she has gone to two high schools so of course she goes to two dances. it was made unequivocal-ably clear to me that she could not wear the same dress to both dances. "don't be that person, mom." i am that person, for sure. so she borrowed a dress for the second dance because momma was not buying another dress. and not only could she not wear the same dress, she could not have the same hair color...because as she stated, "you know mom, social media. i am just going a darker blonde." that is fine. the issue is that she decided to dye her hair friday the day before homecoming. and she made it a hair dying party and invited a bunch of teens over who wanted to dye their hair as well. i could not make this up, this really happened. the bathroom looked like a sally's. we had four chairs lined up so four people could get their hair done at a time. music. popcorn. it was hilarious. i was nervous that some of the kids hair would get messed up and then the parents would get mad at me (like and similar has happened before and some parents are cra-zy). at midnight they were all still going strong.
charly did a great job on everyone's hair and everyone was happy. i went to bed right when char was doing hers a "light ash blonde". saturday morning she was still asleep when i left for deacon's soccer game. after the game i called her to make sure she was awake and getting things ready (picking up the boutonniere, cleaning the bathroom, washing her car due to some prankster dumping sticky stuff and glitter all over it, etc.)
"MOM! my hair went so dark last night. the manufacturer must have messed up and put the wrong color in the wrong box! it is SO dark!!!!"
"Ok babe. Sometimes box dyes are tricky and unpredictable. It will wash out eventually."
"MOM...I have homecoming TODAY but now my blonde extensions don't match my brown hair and I NEED my extensions so can you stop and Sally's and get more dye the dye on the left hand side of the store the cream kind not the liquid then come home and dye and wash my extensions for me while i get ready and do all the other things i have to do mom please oh and can you get me a new sticky bra while you are out it is on the way to sallys and my old one isn't sticking anymore and barely covers me anyway ok hair dye sticky bra and fashion tape oh don't forget the tape because the back of my dress gapes some so it need to be taped i will wash my car while you do that thanks mom i love you."
so i did. we got her ready and met at southern highlands country club.
(car selfie complete with brown extensions)
 i love this is not even her school but she was in the middle of every group picture
this is her random date. i doubt i will ever see him again. they went to hibachi in a party bus and then a bunch of other fab stuff. she had a blast. the boys in our house are in awe of her social abilities and just the whirlwind of life charly is.
the next day i hung out with this guy. he is so freaking funny these days. but what makes him so funny i think is because his voice is cracking so often when he is trying to say something serious that i just bust up at him. this makes him upset and we start wrestling. then we are both laughing and he kisses my hand and says "love you mom." so good.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

the living keep on living

It was field trip day for the GATE 3rd graders. I put off work and pawned the babies off on my mom to spend this day with Deac. The first stop was a nursing home.
I braced myself going in not to get silly emotional. The kids were so adorable.
After performing they went and talked to the residents, read books, and played checkers.
One lady from Hungary could not get over how beautiful Deacon was.
We got back in the bus and headed to North Las Vegas to a recycling center. 
They crushed some stuff for the kids with the grappler.
Then we went to a park near the Air Force base and ate lunch while jets flew overhead.
I got home about 2 and had to make chili for the Halloween Chili Cookoff. Then I had to run Charly up to her dermatologist to get this wart frozen off her foot that is interfering with her track training. Then she wanted to pick up her check at the mall. Shortly after walking in the door I got a phone call a good family friend had passed away. A young father of young kids and husband. The evening was a bit surreal after that news. All the kids came to the Halloween party except the baby... he stayed with my mom. Everett ate at least three donuts. Deac ran with a sweaty pack of 9 year old boys. Dev hung out with his friends and Char showed up at the end. I walked Ev around until he was insisting I hold him at all costs. By the third person that called him a girl I was ready to head home.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

home means nevada

art can be pretentious. vegas can be pretentious. not always. sometimes it is touching. sometimes i fall in love with this city a little more. the walking art tour at the Aria is worth a go. just don't wear pretentious heels. the name "walking tour" is legit. but it was too legit to quit and i felt more the martyr for art then my friends in sensible shoes. 

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

make health a lifestyle

#eatclean #healthylife
breakfast with the captain crunch and the sleeping captain. it's going to be a long ass day.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

seulement toi

this song for my beautiful Deacon; he will move mountains with his love.

Last weekend was Homecoming, this weekend was Deacon's birthday.  
Party Phase I: The family came down from Utah. Deac got an outdoor legit basketball hoop and about a million swords. I made the fam lunch of pulled pork sandwiches and myself some hummus. We had mom's famous pound cake and gifts then all headed to a soccer game.  Deac is actually really competent.  He has taken a liking to being goalie and is doing a fabulous job. He stood up from an aggressive block and said "Mom! My crevice hurts!" as he was pointing to his arm where his elbow bends. My brother and I were almost rolling on the grass laughing. 
Party Phase II: After the game we started picking up boys. The total was 12 of his friends running around the house. We transported them all to Gravady to jump for an hour. Saturday nights at Gravady are intense, but the boys are old enough to fare well and they all had a blast. After we headed back to the house to have pizza and gifts. Right as I got home from dropping off the last nine year old boy at 9pm a few cars full of teenagers showed up. 
Phase III: The third phase of party was still going in the living room at 4:30am.  
Today. I rest. Bwahahahaha. I kid. Today I clean.


Quand je marche dans la rue
La rue vers le Sacré-Cœur
Je me souviens des promesses
Au nom de l'amour
Je vais t'attendre là
Viendras-tu pour moi?
Je vais t'attendre là
Seulement toi
Tu peux me tenir
Jusqu'à ce que le soleil se cache
Et embrasse-moi doucement
Jusqu'à ce qu'il revienne
Je vais t'attendre là
Viendras-tu pour moi?
Je vais t'attendre là
Seulement toi
Tu prends peut-être du retard
Tu as peut-être raté ton train
Tu ne peux peut-être pas me pardonner
Les ombres grandissent
Et les foules s'effacent
Je vais t'attendre là
Viendras-tu pour moi?
Je vais t'attendre là
Seulement toi

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

the beginnings

It begins with expectations.
Failed expectations lead to disappointment.
Disappointment often turns to frustration.
Frustration turns to resentment.
Resentment turns to anger.
Anger to rage.
Rage to indifference.

This girl is still at the beginning. still forming dreams and expectations. She is so full of love and life; she never leaves the party early. May she have her expectations met. At least most of them. Unlike so many who feel so alien here on this earth, may she continue to feel like Bill Gates who said, "it's possible, you can never know, that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit."
homecoming 2015

Sunday, October 4, 2015

a wild wild world

This is Ev at the park watching cars pass by. The slide was aright, nothing to be done with swings, crumpling leaves is cool, but the most extravagant and bright is this boys face when cars are passing by him. People think he is waving at them. He is not. He is letting his joy out through his hands because he digs their whips. "Put a glide in your stride, a dip in yo' hip and come on up to the mothership."
ezra wasn't as excited about the cars. "we don't even care, as restless as we are."

william corgan's new project people and their cars

Thursday, October 1, 2015

friday night

so there is a new issue on the home-front. charly and dev have made a mutual set of friends. deven is one of the younger ones, so charly feels they are HER friends and he tags along. deven feels they are HIS friends and she hangs out with them every once in awhile when she is not with her other friend group. charly left friday without telling dev to hang out with the said friend group. he felt abandoned and sad, but would not do anything about it. eventually i asked if he wanted to try the best mashed potatoes in the world. he did. so we headed to Green Valley Ranch. dinner was whimsical, the district was full of acquaintances, and i made him plan a pretend date after dinner. he walked me through the casino to the pool area to overlook the city. we chatted 10 minutes about melting aluminum and what kind of crucible he needed to do that. we slid down stair rails, then headed to Goodwill to find him a steel crucible to use in his aluminum melting contraption he has built in the backyard. i adore this boy.
this boy is growing so fast.  It breaks my heart but he forces me to "gather a live tradition from the air."  He is so alive and I look forward to seeing how he continues to change these next years.

art group

look at this cute art group that went to see the Picasso exhibit at the Bellagio.
 These are the two Gertrude Stein word portraits of Picasso and Matisse.

I have mentioned these before.  So you know, learn to love repeating.  As human beings we must learn to love repeating.  After we all grabbed some gelato. Then I rushed home to crazy babies ripping my house apart. Really.  Emptying every cabinet and drawer they can reach, throwing all they can everywhere they can. Those two humans are a kick.