"In a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. And before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are emptied for sleep you are not.
And when you are filled with sleep, you never were. I don't know what I am. I don't know if I am or not."
William Faulkner "As I Lay Dying"
often times i have this boy put away his phone because i want his time, or want him to engage with others. when i get this look from him i know it is either time to go, or it is time to let him on his phone. next time i think i will start singing this song to him:
i'd go hungry i'd go black and blue,
i'd go crawlin down the avenue
oh there's nothing that i wouldn't do
to make you feel my love
first world problem: there are so many bunnies that come into my backyard that it is basically a yard of bunny pellet droppings taking over the grass. there is a chicken wire fence to keep them out, they don't care. nor do they care that my crawling 1 year old is vehement that these droppings are the tastiest snack around. he is mad for them. crazy bunnies, crazy baby.
so the girl has some scalp issues. after she lost an expensive biolage treatment shampoo (i am not sure how you "lose" shampoo) i concocted this little hair mask for us:
3/4 can coconut milk
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 table spoons honey
lil vitamin E oil
mix it, massage well into scalp, saturate ends, apply plastic bag and leave on a few hours. the protein in the coconut milk makes hair stronger, allegedly helps with that fungus that causes dandruff, honey balances the protein. i washed my hair a couple times and rinsed really well in the shower and all was well. the girl only shampooed once and the next day at school a gal asked her "is your hair like wet?" so...shampoo good, rinse good.
the next night she came bouncing into my room "guess what? my flakes are all gone. like, all gone." valid. blowin in the wind hair.
crazy. scary. out of control. we live in a toxic world, it is inevitable. the past couple weeks over christmas vacay we have been sick. flu, cold, cough, bronchitis. passed from kids to adults, back to kids. at one point i thought it was whooping cough, because i can be alarmist. of which i have not vaccinated my youngest against for fear of vaccines and awareness of my ignorance despite my research.
it stresses me out that my oldest son eats ramen, which is made to survive the apocalypse, another drinks diet mountain dew, the girls curl relaxer, microwave popcorn, toxic, toxic. short of me being crazy police lady almost all the time this stuff happens.
i give it my effort to eat clean, clean organic, detox regularly, exercise, have our barefeet in the dirt, ingest coconut oil, rub down with magnesium, body brush dry skin, drink keifer, etc. etc.
then all of this does not seem to matter so much in the face of morality, integrity, honesty; all of which is a reality each day for my kids at school. so like having my 7 year old not use the f-word, my 12 year old not get sent to the dean for "bullying" a kid that has two stud earring in his ears, my 14 year old not to engage in the trending activity of oral sex on the school bleachers which the guy who asked her to homecoming got caught engaging in...that makes me vomit a little in my throat.
it is telling
i love catcher in the rye
"mothers are all slightly insane."
yes. but look
how happy they are
eating metro pizza
in the car