We are evolving over here. The last time the new moon was in Taurus it was 2012, a lot has changed since 2012.
The Death of My Father: The Confusion Keeps Going
In May of 2012 I had lost my dad. On Mother's day 2012 I got the call from his Fremont car dealer friend, Terry Bedford, that my dad was in Sunrise Hospital because he "fell". I was at the pool with Andrew and my 3 kids when I got the call around 4:30 pm. I rushed to the hospital to see my brain dead dad in the hall of the ER from this alleged fall. My little soul pleaded with my dad not to leave me. I had just found him and become his beloved maid. (He was an endearing ass of a human.) But, he died a couple days later and I got Everett in their life/death transition. I named Everett after my dad Charles Everett. I was gutted not only by his death, but the pure circus show after his death when Metro got involved, the issue of his estate and his family. It was absurd.
Trapped in the veil of illusion I was really grappling with reality. Now...I am not. I feel him often and it seems like that guy is at the secretary of heaven submitting daily agendas.
Last week I had a long deep dream of my brother and mother in a beautiful wood house, but they were in bankruptcy and I had to do their legal work. My mom was sad in her wooden corner of the house and I was finally able to speak to her in my dream, for I have been rendered unable to speak in any dream she is in for a long time. I said "you are in bankruptcy. I will help you, but you are no longer leading this family. I am." I woke up laughing. It seemed more like a subconscious dream than predictive because I won't say that to my beautiful mother, but something in me feels that way.
I have been my own biggest problem my whole life. I was the common denominator of being the problem in seemingly ideal situations. I was raising my complaints that something felt so off. I knew something was wrong and could not deduce what it was. That is on me. It is not on Vana, Chuck, Jared, Justin, Andrew, my young women leaders or my priesthood leaders. I did not know myself.
When I sat with Rahelio in Sedona last November and he read me my birth chart, most of it I did not understand. I have not looked into it much since then. However, he touched on something that I had already researched and that is where my Chiron placement resides. Chiron placements are akin to your achilles heel. I had discovered a couple years ago that my Chiron placement was in the house that had to do with institutions of false authority. This only validated my stance that the biggest issue I have had with my life came when I gave my power over to the Mormon Church, specifically the priesthood admonitions and commandments.
Now two years later, after realizing what Chiron placements are, what mine is and delving into some little preached at the pulpit facts...I am mortified by the history of the church. My institute teacher in high school, Steve Fotheringham, admonished me not to study church history. All these ignorant mingled with corrupt (it is a sliding scale) dudes that I allowed to influence me.
This scene below is how I feel about being raised in the church, and my religious deconstruction that was 3 decades in the making, marrying in the temple TWICE, having horrible nightmares most of my life which led me to really deep depression and self medicating, to getting healthy by being absolutely alone, to the supernatural experiences I had that let me know I was dealing with external forces of darkness, to the voice demanding "take your name of the church records" as I was driving, to getting Andrew on the same page, to learning the nefarious history of the church and it's current day corruption. What is next except this religion fail in the wake of many other illusory institutions of this day failing?
Listen, I can't even write all the atrocious things this church has done and is still doing. It blows my mind daily to the point I want to leave my whole past behind and move to a different country with my family. Oh, I already did that once. Costa Rica would have been so lovely if I knew what was going on in my soul.
Deven asked me the other day, "What does Grandma do in the temple?" "Different callings: work at the veil with the Lord for the signs and tokens that you have to know to enter heaven, the washing and anointing..." I stopped myself there with the laughter akin to Tom Hanks above. Handshakes to enter heaven? Ha! The washing and anointing? Then Andrew piped in with the history of men going into the woods to rub each others naked bodies down with oil for the first anointings. Good god, what a good job boys. Deven deflected the conversation quickly. He loves his grandma so much. But, she still worships at the alter of a corrupt multi-level marketing scam that my soul has revolted from subconsciously my whole life. Now that it is a conscious revolt and information is free flowing all we can do is laugh at the absurdity.
One of Andrew's best friends, my fav friend of his since I met him, recently got on the same page. After explaining how his 15 year old daughter bore her testimony for the last time in church of the truth of nature, he said dripping from a jump in the pool after a morning bike ride with Andrew... "life is funny." Kind of like my dad's "life is a kick." Or as our cousin said "a kick to the balls." A funny kick to the balls if you have them, otherwise the much more sensitive lady part.
Honestly, I want to hear nothing else in my time left about the Mormon church. Yet...it seems to come up daily. It was on 60 Minutes on Mother's Day. It is all over social media. It is in my dreams.
Letting Go of Old Paradigms: Hope for My Children
I would like to make a contract with the universe that if I write this post and state clearly how deeply severed I am from the Mormon church that I want to be relieved of any duty to spread the word of it's fraud or be subject to any more information, past or present, regarding such. I can stay in my neutrality at this point, but let's get a new script. I am really trying to retrain my brain and reprogram it. Reprogram it to how the NATIVE AMERICANS lived that Brigham Young exterminated. (I bet the church rebrands BYU at some point.)
The church of Brigham Young was a different beast than the church of Joe Smith. Could Joe have been murdered by his own people because he was such a wild card who was satiated with underage sex with multiple women and lots of money? Maybe Joe didn't have the fortitude to murder a large tribe of Indians in the name of the Lord and was deemed a liability to the cause. The Salt Lake Valley was not empty for the pioneers, it was ethnically cleansed. Maybe that is why the streets of Salt Lake will run with blood.
I am a privileged white American woman. I was born to goodly parents who were blinded by their generational curses. I was blind most of my life (with a spattering of intuition peeking its way through) by the same curses. May the rest of my days be spent in alignment with truth, and that of my children's be in alignment with their truth. May none of us fall prey to the wickedness of manmade illusions. Not tricks...illusions.
May we all be in tune with our higher purpose and shed the shackles of absurdity: absurdity of religion, government, "science" and any type of control that comes from outside of our own natural knowing. Oh ye children of mine, know thyself. Stay true to thyself despite the raging dogma of dudes so we can be of highest good in this snow globe dome now called Earth. Fin.
So privileged.
So blessed.
So connected.
So abundant.
So free.
So done.
I am tuning into another frequency.
The Quest for Healing: What is in Las Vegas?
In the wake of this religious and personal turmoil I embarked on a journey toward healing, seeking clarity in alternative health care practices. I have shared some of them in this blog, but I want to share my experiences with two remarkable therapies available in Las Vegas-Kambo and Ketamine NAD infusions-and how they have brought me closer to finding peace in the midst of confusion.
Grief, loss and the weight of responsibility was clouding my judgment and impeding my ability to heal. I was desperate to break free from the veil of illusion and find solace, so I delved into various health care options. It was a leap of faith, but one that has yielded profound results.
Kambo: The Frog Medicine
One of the paths I explored was Kambo-a traditional Amazonian ritual involving the application of venom secreted by the giant monkey frog. Kambo is known for its purifying and detoxifying effects on the body, mind and spirit. This ancient practice involves applying the venom through small burns on the skin, followed by an intense purging process.
For me, Kambo was an opportunity to release the emotional burdens I carried, to shed the pain and trauma that had become intertwined with my being. I specifically told Andrew my intent going into frog medicine was to release the anger I felt toward the men in the Mormon church. The people I run into all the time in my community and want to be kind to, but that kindness was just not accessible for my old bishop.
The ceremony was both physically and emotionally demanding, but it opened doors to a clarity and strength within me. The purging, both literal and metaphorical, allowed me to confront my grief and face it head on, ultimately paving the way for healing and growth. I am very thankful for Tishara and her deep devotion to the frog medicine and sharing it with others.
Ketamine and NAD Infusions: Illuminating the Mind
In further pursuit of healing, I found Ketamine NAD infusions-an innovative therapy that combines the therapeutic benefits of ketamine with the restorative effects of nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NAD). This powerful combinations aims to alleviate symptoms of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and deep addictions (my doctor treats long term heroine and fentanyl users with this infusion), while promoting mental clarity and overall well-being all in the comfort of a doctor's office with a plasma screen playing sea turtles.
During my first Ketamine NAD infusion session, I experienced a profound sense of introspection as the ketamine gently ushered me into a tranquil mental space, allowing me to explore and reframe my past experiences. It also gave me a dose of a different reality where I was not constrained by the denseness of this mortal existence, but was able to witness existing in ethereal beauty. Andrew had a very different experience during his infusion, for his mind is a different labyrinth than mine. Needless to say, this treatment is less physically demanding than Kambo.
I had my second Ketamine NAD infusion session last night and it was profound. Through the peaks and valleys of my healing journey, I have come to realize that true strength lies in embracing our vulnerabilities and seeking support from those around us who think outside of the boxes of our conditioning. Whether it be in alternative plant medicines or the dreams that empowered me to take charge of my own life, I have discovered that healing can manifest in unexpected ways. Wanting to know myself and being willing to make the moves was the key that unlocked the door to my freedom. It is as if the universe wants us to evolve, grow and move. Not move to a specific place of arrival, but to keep moving in a perpetual making it new.
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