2005 Google Doc find
Don't call it a comeback...I've been this intense for years.
In early 2005 I was in full panic scripture study eternal marriage trauma mode.
I sent my younger self in her mid-2005 timeline a dream.
A dream of Deacon.
You will have a son who is a solid soul family member. He is a best friend. This dream will encourage you to take the path you are on.
It will be worth it. You will wake up.
You are speaking of Persephone in 2005, so in 2023 it will all click.
It is his birthday today.
I decided to make him a month after getting married on December 27, 2005 because that was partly why why I got married.
To have Deacon.
I got married despite the clear warning in the sealing room that "this is going to be hard." It was culty hard.
From the very first night.
Charly and I both got food poisoning the night I married into the Menlove family.
He is 17 and the most magnificent dreamy human. It was worth it. It has all clicked.
YEAR IN REVIEW 2005
JANUARY
Looking forward is such a fabulous prospect. ee cummings wrote:
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
“Which is Yes”…I am so thankful for all the things which are “Yes.” Waking up with two little people to make breakfast for is so Yes. Being in school and learning the law is Yes. Having the girlfriends I have to jog with each morning is Yes. My sweet mother who remains my inspiration is so Yes. My soy milk is Yes. So, in light of all the Yes-ness, the plan for this year to improve is this:
Vanessa:
Maintain peace. That means cutting back to find time to breathe and receive inspiration.
Of course, do better with our daily family scripture study and prayer. I will memorize the scripture mastery as well as Charly has. She puts me to shame.
Practice the piano more and not let 12 years of training go to waste, so if called upon to play at a moments notice my knees don’t shake.
Find a rock climbing partner here in Vegas and go each Wednesday.
Run a marathon with my two girl friends (that means daily runs of an hour)
Make some friends during the last year and a half of law school. (I go and leave without talking to anyone because I don’t have the time and would rather be with the kids.)
Plan for my church calling of primary chorister sooner than the Saturday night before.
Learn to cook a healthy new meal a month…my kids get tired of steamed broccoli.
Do a mother daughter trip with Charly somewhere exciting, Italy would be ideal.
Charly:
Finish Kindergarten having learned to read a level one book by my self.
Play my third season of soccer and to score at least one goal each game (even though I scored three in one game this season).
Learn to play a song each month on the piano.
Do another 10 mile slot canyon hike with mom like the Subway hike that I did this Fall in Utah.
Plan and give 1 Family Home Evening each month.
Walk away when my brother is purposely annoying me.
Try really really really hard to stop sucking my fingers (I just forget)
Deven:
Finish Preschool and learn the whole Alphabet and sounds the letters make
Start Sunbeams and stay sitting the whole time even though mom is up front doing music
Learn to ride my scooter with mom when she runs, and not have her push my in the stroller the whole way.
Start my first season of soccer, even though I think I prefer golf (I have my own club and it is fun to swing…not just at golf balls)
Sit still during family scripture study without mom having to hold me on her lap
Always be honest (“but John Kerry is not honest”….i told mom one day after a small fib)
I am so happy and cute that all my friends are girls (most of my nursery is girls), I will make one good friend who is a boy.
Arizona
We began this year in Phoenix, AZ for the Fiesta Bowl. We went hiking at South Mountain, hot tubbing, and to Sedona’s Slide Rock Park on our way home. Amidst Deven’s hot green poo issue, packed crowds for the University of Utah game, cold hot tubs and inept pizza places, we had a fabulous time. The kids were great in the car and Charly can do almost anything we do. She rode bike trails, hiked mountains, went to the bowl game, drove the truck over the dam all while learning she gets more when she doesn’t ask and the monster goes away when she is kind and gives massages.
Biking and hiking at South Mountain in Phoenix
The old house in Slide Rock Park in Sedona, AZ
Slide Rock Park, Sedona, Arizona
FEBURARY
Charly biking at Cottonwood, NV
The bike fit in the new Tang!
We love our new car. Bye to the green Pathfinder, Hello Tang. It was a long day of negotiation with the car dealer, but I got exactly what I wanted without deviating from the minimalist budget I set for myself. Budget, budget, budget. “So, do you golf?”
We love winter here because there are still so much to do outside. Between the bike trails, hiking at Red Rock, climbing, scootering, soccer, and parks we are enjoying the sun. Even San Francisco had sun. SuperBowl weekend was not the main attraction, but buying us all slippers in China Town, Yerba Buena MLK memorial fountains, the cable car, power outages, Berkley law school, tandem biking thru Golden Gate park, Haight Ashbury, sealions, Alcatraz, the traditional Italian dinner with Andrew and lots of quality time were what made the trip fabulous. All that was missing was Charly and Deven. I promised them next time they could come.
There are some scrubbed moments that I keep telling myself I need to write down. They fade as time goes by, so it is banal to recount. However, when I was reading the Celestial Marriage handbook, that influential white manual, it comes clear again that we are here to prepare to become as Heavenly Father and our role is in families to do that. It all revolves and points back to that: all the doctrine, the story of Adam and Eve, the New and everlasting covenant, having children in “sorrow.” AND…it comes together in the daily activity of being a mother and wife. So, with the solid testimony of these lofty ideals comes putting it into practice. In marriage: he has needs, I meet those needs and then he can fulfill the will of the Lord easier, I have roles and strengths that compliment and I cannot force him to be the things that are for me to fulfill. Love is an action and treating my husband and kids with love will enable unity. The past month, since my last conversation with A. of us moving apart due to separate lives and interpretations of what the other is wanting, we have come together in a bond that is becoming more like “Yes, Heavenly Father, can I please marry him.” As opposed to, “I think this is good, and it could work, what do you think Heavenly Father?” He was picking me up in front of the school so we could go to his Dr.s appointment, and I broke into a run across the grass because I could not wait to see him! Coming home from jogging today after a week of time together, I felt my life would not be complete without him and I would be missing much if he was not there. This is becoming an amazing blessing as we support one another and as a team give and add to each other in complete trust and faith.
San Francisco, CA
Pier 39 Fisherman’s Wharf Sea Lion Marina
Dolphin Habitat at Mirage
The Gang at Dolphin Habitat
Kindergarten Valentine’s Party
MARCH
Spring is my favorite season, when Persephone would make her annual return home to her mother. Her mother, goddess of the earth, would cause the birth of the land again. The tulips in the back yard planter that CE built and my mom cultivated would make me so happy. I would enjoy them each day, but always with the angst of knowing that they would not last long. The heat of summer would come soon and all the flowers would die. They were too beautiful to die. Older now, I understand the birth and death cycle of life is perpetual and actually good for us. Like the labor pains of a mother, the stress-recovery process is healthy. The stress recovery of taking a law school exam, relaxing for a few months and taking more stretches my mind. Running for 10 miles on a Saturday then resting a few days is beneficial. Or, the stress recovery of Deven testing his boundaries, screaming, “me no like you mom,” to the next minute being in my arms and telling me he lufs me. The process of raising my kids is in full blown spring. They are flourishing and growing so beautifully right now and so ripe for the planting. I revel in my role as teacher and struggle to fulfill that in a way that will bring them to places of capability and light…as well as make us all best friends. The struggle is good, and periods of recovery come often as they lay in bed with me, tell me I am the best mom, laugh from their bellies as they run around the house naked…Spring was the best, and still is.
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