Titles: Attorney, Esq. or Plant Medicine Facilitator?
Jesus isn't a savior. I am a crystalline indigo child with a relation with source in my here and now. I clearly have an ego in order to keep the work going regardless of what people perceive. The work I feel called to do. I am an obedient woman, light or dark, to both because I know both. Not as much as Justin. I know enough. I have been called to keep a journal. I started this in notebooks and they disappeared. Hours of writing, notes, rants, poetry was gone. What better way to make it last them put it on the internet for my posterity. That way I get to add the ecoutroument of photos and music.
The Book of Mary Magdalene describes the hidden levels of reality that exist beyond the material world. She discusses the journey that the soul must take to transcend. This is done by defeating ignorance as the "slayer of matter" and "conqueror of space". In other Gnostic gospels, we know that they believed that all of us are divine and the material world is an illusion and must be transcended by our souls. Ignorance keeps us from recognizing our own divine nature. However, the early Christian church did not want this information public and tried to burn traces of the Gnostic gospels. Luckily not all of the books were destroyed. So not only does the gospel of Mary Magdalene reveal the secret of existence, but the gospel itself is a code.
Orthodoxy had not yet been established and early Christianity was divided about what Christianity actually was. The Gnostics were known for writing in code and metaphors, and they believed that the 12 disciples represent what would eventually become the different denominations of Christianity; with each male disciple representing a traditional patriarchal for of Christianity. While Mary Magdalene represented the feminine Gnostic version of Christianity. Peter, who called Mary a liar, represents what would ultimately become the modern church. When Jesus left the disciples they did not know what to do, so Mary stepped up as a leader who revels the secrets of the universe. We need to remember that the feminine perspective is powerful and needs to be integrated into our collective consciousness.
The Book of Enoch is worth a read. Some books were really helpful for me in the beginning of this journey in 2020. Then books that came to me intuitively or upon happenstance. The used book store in Salt Lake, Ken Saunders, had a jackpot of books that opened me up to a lot of ideas. However, the reading slowed down, especially of scripture. It really is just scripted literature. Scripture. I began to learn how to not get the answers from any books. Not even the Emerald Tablets book that is fantastic. I learned how to get the messages quickly from my dreams and in the moment. I learned somatics slowly because I have not usually listened to what my body tells me in this life. I thought she was leading me off the straight and narrow. I had to learn how to listen to the parts of my body when they had a physical reaction to the situation I was in. The ear ringing was easy but had layers. What does a high pitch right ear ring when it is really loud? My left side gets tingly. This started happening after I had an accident on the alpine slide in the summer of 2021, so I thought I had nerve damage down my whole left side, but I only hurt my shoulder. And you can in fact fall of an alpine slide. It wasn't because of the accident, it is a somatic way I communicate with myself. My friend Jennifer has the same thing but in her hands. Angie feels it all over her body and is very good at communicating it. She has been formally trained in this area as a Somatic Healer and it shows.
I live in the present moment as much as I remember. My inside world is fascinating right now and I often let my mind wander to the wonder and enchantment I have with who I am in my life right now. Often I am moved to extreme gratitude for this crazy play I was allowed to live. The ex-mormon, three husband having, 5 kid making attorney turned plant medicine facilitator doing whatever brings me joy. Everyday. I am hard-pressed to come up with a situation that could be any more free than I am right now. I get to write about how I descended through hell to transcend to heaven. My odyssey to freedom. I have put out to the Universe it would be the Glennon Doyle blog turned best seller. "Untamed" went off the charts. I love Glennon and Abby, but I stopped listening to them when I realized they just didn't get some of what I needed them to get. They did not get that antidepressants have issues with being able to tap into your intuition if you are a dreamer type. Pills and alcohol get in the way and make the channels foggy. They make dreams stop, or in my case they made my nightmares stop.
Reoccurring nightmares that I did not stop and ask, "Why is this happening over and over and over to my kids in an unsafe building where I can't them and am frantically trying to gather them all up and Andrew just standing there either doing nothing or mocking me for tying to find the kids? Every time? I didn't know how important dreams are. I didn't know Andrew's highest self was such gangster that he would just stand there and not help me find our children. He had to show me the most absurd scenario for me to stop and say wait...that is not Andrew. You are not with the Andrew stands there and does not help. That is not Andrew. His higher self was telling my higher self that the building is on fire and you are saving your kids, but still letting Andrew just figure all this shit out on his own and the real slim shady Andrew and not stood up yet. At first I was not forcing at first any of this on Andrew or the kids. I was on my own and teaching Ezra on the sly. Then I was compelled by some crafty messages to start laying this on Andrew as well. I started small and got big fast.
The Contact 2022 conference about aliens, walk ins, psychics, and remote viewing was interesting for both of us. We both agree none of these people have no motive to lie about what they are saying. They are not making money off of it, but many of them receive persecution. Andrew and I had a fantastic weekend in Sedona doing shaman drum circling, mystic tours and hiking. Andrew had not awakened to his highest self yet so I got to do it for him. Hahaha. He thanks me so very often for waking him up. "It would take a woman like you to wake me up from the deep programming of my childhood. I don't know if I ever could have with anybody else." He obviously has some romance coming in from his higher self too.
I did not get any deeper spiritual sage wisdom from them on the relevant issues to me at the time which was: awakening, shadow work, psychosis, dreaming, Ancient Egypt, Gaia TV, getting Andrew his daily dose of medicine as I saw fit. Long story short, I did not have the time for Glennon and Abby anymore because I was writing my own oddysey and I had to pay close attention. Really close after Landon died. Even closer after D.J. died. I was watching fully when Everett cracked his head open in Florida. I knew that baby was going to crack his head that day and I watched it happen in slow motion at a movie theatre. I thought to myself as he was on the railing "it's coming. He's going to fall. Everett is going to slip off that rail. And I still did not get there in time. I then said, "fuck I knew this was happening and I didn't get there in time." God damn universe. Not my kids. Stop using my kids god damn it. I am the catcher in the rye of my children in my dreams. Looking endlessly in rooms on fire for my children for years I don't have that nightmare anymore. Andrew is not just standing in my dreams anymore. He has gotten a new role in the play. Same man, different role.
That was my training to step into claiming that I am a dreamer. I see stuff before it happens. Often. It's creepy at times, but it is fun meeting friends for coffee that have the same experiences and say "Vanessa, you are a really powerful dream traveler." I come to her often in her dreams in aggressive ways. She comes off as child like in my dreams. Is my higher self telling Angie that Vanessa is being a bit aggressive in speaking her truth? Angie said it was a good aggressive. So there you have it, it is a good aggressive I have going on. Life is a kick.
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