"I am growing up," she thought, taking her taper. "I am losing my illusions, perhaps to acquire new ones," - Orlando in Orlando by Virginia Woolf
Thoth has been pivotal in this journey of diffusing the dense matter of this physical existence. He came in with the Emerald Tablets and helped put together the pieces that enabled lift off of this rocket ship. I am celebrating success and victory over the delusions I lived for 4 decades. Thoth is the god of the moon, recorder of the deities and overseer of my work. Secret knowledge came through his energy and unlocked a different level in my communication with other realms. All whilst I sipped lavender and Mugwort tea. I had to think spiritually not logically to set myself free, despite uncertainty and naysayers. Different levels bring different access. That is the law of power. So, I have attempted to share only what I am pressed to share. Thoth was a recorder and I love writing. If I had to pick one thing that jacks me up on my highest excitement, ok two things, it would be dancing/music and writing. Regardless of the skill level, or lack thereof, I do them when I can and how I can based on the time available. Et sequitur.
If I want to take control of the entire world I am going to it with my friends but I am going to make it look like my friends are my enemies. I am going to delegate tasks to each of them. "You, over there get them hooked on drugs." Pharmaceutical companies and alcohol. "You, over there, poison their food." The FDA. "You, over there, buy up all the land and houses so they can't buy and live in feudalism." BlackRock. "Hey you, poison their minds at every chance in their music, tv, movies, news." The media. Then I would distance myself and let them scatter so they are not all seen represented together. I was so naive and did not look at the reality in front of me. Look alive Vanessa, this is a pleasure island of friends with agendas who then get celebrities, politicians, religious leaders to buy into the set design of this play. They need minions. Everything in front of us is there for a reason. Some minions are willing to make certain arrangements and agreements for the show to go on. The irony of the genius is prepping us all the time. We can turn our heads from one cast member but you're going to run into another one of the cast members there. (insert maniacal cartoon laugh "Bwhahahahaha.")
Yesterday was my first day volunteering at Safe Nest, a women and children's shelter for domestic violence victims. I signed up for volunteer training over a month ago with the intent of jumping a simple legal hoop to be able to work in the shelter with the inhabitants and after they left the shelter. It was a 9-5 Saturday training. That struck me as a lengthy session for such a volunteer position, but let's go. As the training started some buzz words came up that gave me pause. Metro police was first, then first responder, then some legal jargon around arrests and bookings. Sacre blu, what was this training actually for? It was to be a first responder on the scene with Metro police to advocate for the victim(s) while law enforcement took care of the perpetrator. That was a slinky link move the universe pulled right there. That 1995 situation was going to be addressed and cleared up that day in my body and energetic field. That day and each day I volunteer to be on scene. It took almost 20 years for me to acknowledge that some trauma happened in the wake of my first marriage. Putting my head down and powering thru two more marriages and 5 kids did not clear that blockage. It has taken these last 2 years to present itself as a major stumbling block in my life. If I refuse talk therapy or any other form of assistance, per usual, then as a last ditch effort some divine intervention will take matters up. I like how that flows. It keeps me on my toes and allows the magic of living to come forth. Domestic violence statistics are staggering. Seeing the aftermath in real time with the sword of experience and empathy is a worthy battle. Two calls yesterday to two women (one with a toddler girl who kept saying "You alright mom. You alright." brought back that reality that if a man wants to hurt you as a woman, usually he can. He can bust down doors. He can physically make you submit and he will do so in front of your children. You may or may not be alright.
Why don't we leave the first time? That is an absurd question. If you know you know. I know. "Why do I keep coming back?" she pleaded with me. It is not your fault. You alright mom. This dense physical realm can be a quagmire. Stable ground is coming and in the mean time lets "walk it like you talk it" with all the emotional intelligence in order, ya all. The aforementioned set and design has been prepping us to buy into the systems that make domestic violence , and so much other fuckery, so prevalent.
Don't play on my mind. "I am that I am."
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