Life is Like Denny's

Life is like Denny's because you don't plan on going there, you just end up there. For the most part.

Tapping into my "feminine" watery dreamy self unlocked my power. My wounded survival mode masculine self that kicked in 1995 was overpowering that side of myself. I am going through a heart wrenching opening that is draining, so I am surrendering to this yellow light period of my life not knowing what is in the cards, but there is healing going on here. I am diving into this and analyzing what I am feeling, especially when I get in my feels. Why am I feeling this? Where is this coming from? Then I allow myself to feel it. I surrender to this situation I am in, even though it really is not what I want. I want to live with Deacon, as a unit with the boys. I don't want the boys to switch houses each week. I trust my relationship with Ev and Ez and their role in this family. They knew they were going to come into this situation when they choose me as a portal. Me and my children made these choices in our highest forms. Once I lost the energetic attachment of the karmic loop Andrew and I had, the constructs fell down. I was afraid to break up the family for what it would do to the boys, thus engraining fear in them, thus doing myself and my kids a disservice by being so energetically attached to the idea of what is best for them based on what others say is best. We are all divinely protected by our soul contracts. Everyone is going to transcend the main blueprint we choose. The more fear I lived in and attached to my kids, the more fear they live in because that is what I am serving up to them. I for sure did that with Charly and Deven which prevented them from living a fulfilled childhood existence. The law of oneness is that we are all energy, and I cannot control what is going to happen to the kids I made, but I do have a responsibility to help them to live in their intuition and freedom by doing that myself. I made grave missteps by living against my intuition that has caused my children vast wounds. Especially the older two children. Even though they are adults, as Charly said a few days ago, "I am still your child." 

So even if this is not what I want it is what I had to do it to assist me to be where I need to be as a human being. I am trusting myself and close with myself. I can trust my intuition and the energy I feel, and the dreams I have because I know my own energy. I can use it as a compass and guide to my happiness and inner peace. I get to choose my peace. 

While addressing my lack mindset I am choosing to look at this time like a river with ice over it. I can't see that it is flowing and moving, but it is. Underneath the surface it is flowing and moving with me purging all these emotions. This process feels like a rebirth, and you know what comes after rebirth? Life. Living. Freedom. Finding oneness and wholeness with everything provides a pattern of the universe. Let's level up from the past little while. I have found balance. I know when to rest, apply my intuition, when to put up my sword to fight, when to set boundaries, all while being free. This version of balance right now may not be my version in a few months because I feel like advancement and change is necessary and beautiful. When I don't try and stay the same I can be in the flow. It's a fantastic place to be. For the most part.