Solipsism Not at its Finest

My empire has been established by the universe and I am being looked towards as an example as a healed bad bitch "you don't understand your power" Empress. 

I have some dark jaded history that I don't really want to talk about because I have ended those cycles. I had to claw my way out alone for myself (first) and my children. I am allowing myself to get enjoyment out of my experiences of my daily life and my night travels. No one knows where I am going or knows about how I am supposed to use these physic gifts to further build my empire, but the people who have stuck with me are my people. My purpose is to work against cult families and to prove that the light will outshine the dark, and I do this by being my authentic self...and teaching others that come along my path to do the same. Don't get clouded loves. 

I had a mental breakdown in 2020. My life was ideal on the outside and I was so blessed with a "white knight" husband (as both our families thought he was that for me, however he was actually a huge karmic lesson), 5 beautiful children, beauty, intelligence, a kind heart. But my soul was revolting until I woke up. I was not sick my whole life or mentally ill, I was deeply aware of the backwardness of my society, the way I was raised, and the values of others. Psychosis is the awakening of the spirit and the world tries to put you on medication, or talk you back into participating in the world the way a blind unaware person participates in the world, or in my case they simply watched me destroy myself and they went about their daily lives. Then they had the audacity to say how difficult it was for them to deal with me during the 45 years of me deeply trying to be a loving human and find happiness by being the person my Mormon mom raised me to be. Bwhahahahahaha. Ok.

My grown children are currently pointing out how traumatic I was as a mother. Bring it. I was whispering in the sacrament meetings when the bishop was talking "nope, that isn't right." I was showing up as a conscientious objector to so many systems and bringing my humans along for the ride. Is that confusing for a child who thinks they need a static consistent fake boob mom who stays the same for each transition in their life? Sure. I took them a long for the whole ride of my life because they chose me as a mother. I moved them to Costa Rica after working as an attorney and seeing the utter nonsense of the legal system. Was that fun to haul 3 kids alone to live in the jungle? Not really. Was it fun being Charly's personal assistant for 18 years to have her...I will stop myself there. Just know that history is written by the winners who yell the fiction of their truth. Was it fun getting an education in scarcity and survival mode? Was marriage fun? Was using alcohol for a 5 years fun? Was losing almost everyone in my life fun? Was having people talk shiiiiiiiit about me fun? Was any of this fucking fun? Is anything in this ghetto earth fun for people who know they are not from here and uncomfortable here fun? 

I had hyperemesis and was so god damn sick with my pregnancies but I kept having kids. 5 times over. I got two advanced degree knowing they were only about jumping through hoops for a system: a Master of Fine Arts in Poetry and a Juris Doctorate. I got married to men three times even though each marriage was a disaster. I was so committed to living the life my upbringing taught me (I trusted my mom so much) that I let Mormon dudes tell me how to become worthy in the eyes of the Lord even though it was killing me. I let a bishop bless me that marriage to a man I met at 15 was right in the eyes of our Heavenly Father guide me to marry said man.

I had the wrong teachers. I chose in the "pre-existence" to place myself there to see if I could crawl out of it and then light it all on fire. There have been a lot of failures but I kept pushing forward in my clouded truth. I see all the work I have done and am waiting right now to see where I am supposed to go. It has taken me so long due to so much "wrong" that had to be let go. This new challenge of being psychic seems absurd, but I have an infinite amount of strength because I have gone through this quagmire. My kids will not have to wade thru the quagmires I did and that is my empire. That is my legacy. I have self actualized humans who will step into their life purpose without having to wrestle in the mud of illusions around religion, race, gender, government, marriage, sexuality. 

Kids: Question authority. Get that feel good music type of vibe to life. Migos drip drop raindrop. Accept people and situations as they are without denying the difficulties of what they are or what they have gone through. I want to make people feel good no matter where they are at. You in the gutter? I got you. We are all one step away from the gutter. You traveling the world talking shit about your family while you live in luxury? I got you. You trapped in your illusions until your death? Ok. Do you. 

Things will naturally unfold. These things worked out in the long term which I had in mind since I was a child. Would I regret having more kids? No. Would I regret education? No. Would I regret linking up with wonderful men who would father my children? Possibly, but they were and are good fathers. Both of them. I won't listen to any of the talk my kids put out about them. I am so grateful for the soul family I recognized and linked up with in my life. I felt deeply I had to do all these things even though they did not feel good music Migos vibe. I knew the truth of my life it was just really clouded by those wrong teachers. I am not clouded anymore and that is the Empress vibe I live in now. Don't come at me unless you have walked in my shoes. Don't come at me, come to me. Then I will give you all my love, affection and lavender tea. 

Make it new.